Sunday, November 16, 2014

Processing grief

Hello dear blogging friends. Since the last time I wrote which is almost 6 months ago the journey that I was apart of with my mom and her walk with colon cancer has come to an end. November 6th 2014 my mom took her last breath here on this earth and her first new breath in heaven.  I was there with her when she took that last breath.

I am now again in my little west corner of Turkey and trying to process this grief. This post is mainly for me. I want to be able to express myself and get my thoughts down and in some way I am hoping it will be a healthy way to walk out the loss of loosing my mom.



It is all such a torrent of gratitude, sadness of solemnness and loss of worship and uncertainty and lastly it is hope in Christ. There is such a loss I feel, almost a hole. My Father died 23 years ago and I was only a teenager then, this grief is deeper and now with both parents gone the feelings of loss seem doubled at times.

Here is what I am doing every week or so to express my fierce emotions or the re-run of the movie in my mind of those last days with my mom.





During my time in the States being with my mom, my family was back in Turkey. I was gone for 19 days and during that time there were so many (other than my sisters and their families) that came and stood by my side figuratively and literally.
 (Karma, Jenny, Alyssa, Sue and each of your husbands. Pastor Denny and Clara, Amy and Connie)

E-mails, cards and phone calls flooded my gmail box and my moms room.  Food was never lacking. 


I have always been simple and not very 'fancy' as my girls say. My mom wore heals and loved to dress up. She always liked a good pair of heels or dressy shoes. For her funeral and visitation I had such a strong desire to look my best and although I haven't been a girl who wears heels I wore heals for the funeral... and now I have this strong desire to wear heels.



I find death such an enigma. Death has been around for what years, decades or rather since the beginning of time. We all know that everyone will at some time die. Yet even though humans have that knowledge and have been dealing with death and grief for hundreds of years we still have found no book or vitamin or drug or cure that can take away the pain of it. 

 My sorrow is deep and hard to explain yet there is a hope that remains in my heart, a knowing that my Mom when she took her last breath on earth took her next breath in heaven. All the pain that my mom had was gone in an instant not to be remembered....I love that. No matter the hardships in this world they will eventually fade away never to be remembered. What an amazing Father that took the curse of death and prepared for us a glorious place and for us that believe has taken away the sting of death
1  Thes. 4:13-14

One day at a time one. 
In my west corner.
Becky


3 comments:

Jill Shepherd said...

So sorry for your loss Becky. My thoughts are with you across the miles. Take care of you and your family.
Sunshine and hugs from Cairns

Jill xx

Anonymous said...

Over in my West (Utah), I look forward to your posts, having accidentally found you about a year ago. I wondered where you went in your time away from posting. Know that you have a stranger praying for you and your healing.

Vicky Marie said...

Beck, I love you!!! Thanks for sharing. I too feel as if there is a hole in my heart. The intensity of this grief has surprised me. I did not realize how much mom was a part of my life, thoughts, prayers, week, etc. It makes me wish I could go back and let her know how much she menat; how much the little things meant that she did. I so miss those little things. The fact that she is gone keeps hitting me and my heart aches. Spending a lot of time at home and doing home projects these days. Enjoying solitude, simplicity, and my family for now. I miss you!!!! Hugs!!!

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